Welcome!

Thank you for participating in our Relational Studies course. The students will post questions below, weekly. Please respond to all questions by pressing the comment link associated with each question. We will be looking at the differences and similarities between answers. Make sure you click on Older Posts at the bottom of the page as many of the questions will be on the next page.

Thank you again for sharing with our students!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

In class we have had lengthy discussions about bottom lines; what things we absolutely would not tolerate in a relationship.  What would you define as your bottom line(s) and have they changed in your relationship since you first began dating?

7 comments:

  1. Ken and Louise....bar none......cheating. Hasn't changed from when we were dating till now. For us, it would be hard to forgive that, and rebuild trust and respect.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Matt-I would not tolerate dishonesty, secrecy, and lack of mutual respect and trust.
    Ellen- Seems like cheating would be the "easy" answer for this one, but I have learned from past experiences that I can not say for certain that there are absolute bottom lines. I agree with Matt that any act or behavior that resulted in a lack of trust and respect between partners would be devasting to a relationship, but I can not say without being in those situations that I would walk right away. Matt and I have had close to 20 years together and we have two beautiful girls. Our girls well being comes first. I would owe it to them to try and repair any damage done before turning their lives upside down. With that said, if after doing the work to repair our relationship I still couldn't trust or respect Matt, I would walk away.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dishonesty, cheating & abuse of alcohol or drugs would be "bottom line" issues for me. Though if these things came up in my relationship I would first try to get at the underlying issues that caused them. If communication, therapy & counseling don't work at stopping the behavior and fixing the problems behind them, then I would end the relationship.
    Tricia

    ReplyDelete
  4. I just wanted to add that if I were still dating when these "bottom line" issues came up in my relationship, I would walk away a lot quicker than I would now after making the commitment of marriage and children.
    Tricia

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm not sure we've ever outright discussed "bottom lines". I agree with Ellen, cheating would be the likely answer and probably what ours would be. In talking about it, we're both having a hard time even thinking of a bottom line because any of those reasons are so out of what we'd both even consider. Constant lying would be awful to tolerate and get past, too.
    Jenna

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sheryl and I have never really had that conversation either, the usual ideas will work for us though (cheating, alot of lying, abuse of any kind) --Val

    ReplyDelete
  7. All these are great answers and I totally agree, but I would like to reiterate trust. I am so thankful that Jenna and I have built such a solid relationship that we can trust each other when we're not together. I can't put a price on peace of mind if she's out with her friends, or me not getting an ear-full after coming home from a round of golf or work trip out of the state. Naturally, this all ties into not lying, cheating, etc. I've seen way too many relationships fail because nearly every fight surrounded not being able to trust the other person when they leave the house for a night/a few hours...

    Brett

    ReplyDelete