Thank you for participating in our Relational Studies course. The students will post questions below, weekly. Please respond to all questions by pressing the comment link associated with each question. We will be looking at the differences and similarities between answers. Make sure you click on Older Posts at the bottom of the page as many of the questions will be on the next page.

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Tuesday, March 6, 2012

What strategies do you use when you find yourself in conflict with your partner?


  1. Louise and Ken - it depends on the conflict. If I am really mad my first reaction is to close down to collect my thoughts and words. This annoys ken sometImes because he wants to deal with it right away. Which leads to more conflict.! We don't fight as much as we did when the kids were home because our views on how we raised our kids was a big source of conflict, and yes we did setes argue in front of them.

  2. Ha... must run in the family... if I am really mad then my first response is to shut down and walk away. I need time to cool off so I am able to talk about things. Steve, on the other hand would prefer to deal with things right away. He said that he has learned that he needs to give me time to "get rational again" (his words). When both of us are ready, we are able to have much more successful conversations to resolve our conflicts.
    Tricia & Steve

  3. Wow, ladies, it's like we grew up in the same house! I, too, shut down and walk away, which is the mature way of saying that I give Matt the silent treatment. I will admit that I don't always use this period of silence constructively. i.e. I'm usually no calmer by the time we talk; I'm an emotional person! However, I do find that I can articulate my real concern or feelings much better because I have had time to process what is really bothering me (bigger picture stuff). Matt is calm and collected and reacts more intellectually than emotionally to things. Which is good, because two hotheads would be disastrous. He lets a lot roll of his back, but when he is hurt or something is bothering him, he can openly share it with me. -Ellen

  4. 90% of the time we are able to have really helpful conversations. I think I've said it before, but Brett is really amazing at listening to how I'm feeling and taking it in then working together to fix things. The other 10% we would have really dumb arguments, avoid each other for a bit, and then when we grumpily talk again one of us fails at trying not to laugh which sets us both back into normalcy. That, thank goodness, doesn't happen too often. Haha. Finding the right words to use when discussing anything of conflict is so important to keep things from escalating with hurtful words. That's what we both usually strive for. Jenna and Brett

  5. ALL OUT WAR...naw, just kidding.
    Sheryl and I deal with conflicts differently, I like to deal with conflicts head on, because if not, it tends to linger and it affects me internally and externally. Sheryl deals with issues by not dealing with them right away, she likes to come back to them. --Val and Sheryl