Thank you for participating in our Relational Studies course. The students will post questions below, weekly. Please respond to all questions by pressing the comment link associated with each question. We will be looking at the differences and similarities between answers. Make sure you click on Older Posts at the bottom of the page as many of the questions will be on the next page.

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Friday, April 13, 2012

In what situations, if any, could a couple reconcile after cheating?


  1. I think the couple would have to BOTH be one hundred percent committed to repairing and building their relationship back up. The one who cheated would need to earn his/her partner's trust back and the partner would have to be willing to forgive and move forward. My sense is that if cheating happens in a relationship, then there was probably an existing problem within that relationship that needed to be addressed. If both parties could pinpoint this problem and resolve the issues surrounding it, then I think they would be able to move forward.

  2. Tricia is absolutely right. Both parties would have a lot of work ahead of them. The one who cheated would have to actively and whole heartedly work to gain the trust of their partner back. They would have to be strong, understanding and committed to deal with the doubt and the constant questioning of their partner. Conversely, the betrayed would have to be willing to forgive, heal, and move on. They would have to be willing to slowly trust their partner again and in doing so, make themselves open and vulnerable again. They, too, would have to be strong. Most importantly, both parties have to be ready for the work. A relationship in between two people. It won't work if only one person shows up! -Ellen

  3. Without a doubt, some serious counseling, and major evaluations of themselves, the relationship and if the one who remained faithful can HONESTLY be able to forgive and forget (move on). Relationships alone are very difficult and is something that you build on together each and everyday, so throwing something in the mix like infidelity can be very damaging to a relationship. Gaining that trust and love you once had for your spouse will no come easy the 2nd time around. ----Val n Sheryl

  4. This is a tough one. It would be very difficult to regain trust in the relationship. It may depend on the situation, whether it was a one time fling, or a multi month/year affair. It would also depend on what is going on in our marriage at the time, as it truly takes two to contribute to the success or failure of a relationship and maybe circumstances at the time caused a crack in the foundation of the relationship, that with counselling and a LOT of effort could be mended. Having said that I have a few girlfriends who are currently in marriages where cheating is or was an issue, and I can tell you that there is a lot of hurt and anger. Some got divorced, and some are still trying to figure it out. It sucks for them and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

    1. oh that was Louise and Ken

  5. Wow - tough question. I'll never forget the feeling I had when a girl cheated on me in High School.....It was probably the nastiest I had ever felt and never knew I could feel such anger towards someone I used to like so much. We tried to make it right, but like we discussed in one of the first posts on the blog, trust was a major factor in why it just couldn't work after that.

    In my opinion (and simply my own), I don't think so. Sure in the movies you see people who lost the "flame," cheated on their spouse, and then realized it was the wrong thing to do and got back together....but if I found out my wife cheated on me, I would just find something fundamentally and morally wrong with getting back to that person. I'm not a religious person any more, but was confirmed as a Catholic, so any type of adultery is one of the worst crimes imaginable. That feeling of trust would be disolved and there would always be a lingering doubt when I go on business trips or weekends away that the same thing might be happening.

    However, I am not a believer of "once a cheater, always a cheater." It's up to both people to keep the passion alive and prevent thoughts like that from even occuring in the first place.

    Brett & Jenna