Thank you for participating in our Relational Studies course. The students will post questions below, weekly. Please respond to all questions by pressing the comment link associated with each question. We will be looking at the differences and similarities between answers. Make sure you click on Older Posts at the bottom of the page as many of the questions will be on the next page.

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Wednesday, February 8, 2012

How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?


  1. I was single well into my thirties and had learned a lot about myself. By the time I started dating Steve I was in a good place personally and I was able to see and appreciate all the wonderful qualities in him. What struck me most about being with Steve is that I never felt like I had to work hard at figuring out our relationship or where it was going... it just all felt so natural. I have always felt that I could be completely myself with him.

  2. I always thought the saying, "You'll know" was so cliche. But when Brett and I started dating, I understood what people meant when they said it. For the first time when dating someone, I didn't have silent panic attacks when the other person talked about next month and next year. With Brett, I felt such a huge sense of being in love and feeling loved in return. I also felt a huge sense of comfort. Each day together was amazing, and I just couldn't picture any day in the future as anything but together with him. We both knew pretty quickly, but we were both hugely realistic about it too. After our first summer of dating, Brett went back to Arizona to finish his senior year of college. I was in Maine teaching. We decided to see how it went, though I knew it would be okay. After that, I wanted to explore new places, and the following school year moved out to AZ - yes, to be near him and date "normally" (Not from airports), but also more so for myself. It was a HUGE leap of faith, but again, I knew deep down it was going to work out. I guess in summary I knew because it was always easy with him - nothing was ever a problem. We'd talk about things and learn together, and at the root of it all is a huge feeling of love between the two of us. - Jenna and Brett

  3. I guess a part of me knew when we started dating in high school, but who finds the love of their life as a junior at 16? Matt and I dated off and on through college, and both of us saw other people in the "off" times. In my heart I knew Matt was the one for me, but I doubted "the fairy tale high school sweetheart" crap, so I tried to have relationships with other two guys. They were sweet and kind, and each one of them treated me well, but I was never truly myself with either of them. When Matt and I finally got back together for the last time, I was sure that he was it. He allows me to be all kinds of crazy and respects me for who I am. Bottom line: we work.

  4. Ken's answer.....I knew in my heart. Here's mine: How do you know....you know when you are in a crowded noisy room and the only voice that you hear is his voice from across the crowded room. How do you know.....when you are at a party and the door opens, and you know before he walks in that he's the next to walk in the room. How do you know....when you've been dating someone for two years and all you can think about is this other guy named "Slatts" who you have never met! When someone effects you in your soul like Ken did......you know.

  5. Okay...looks like you could use a man's point-of-view here. I was divorced prior to dating Tricia so I actually got this question wrong once. I can tell you that with my first marriage, I felt uneasy about getting married because there was something missing in the relationship. My gut told me something wasn't right and I was dumb-ass (can I say that?) and didn't listen. I was going to be 30 and was more focused on moving into the next phase of my life than on being sure it was with the right person. What my gut was telling me was that Kristin and I were very different in the things we valued most in life. She was not a family-oriented person at all and that was the most important thing to me. We had different visions of the future that we didn't spend the time to work through before getting married. If we had, we would have saved ourselves 5 years of our lives.
    Not all was lost because the divorce made me really think hard about what matters the most to me. Tricia and I had known each other through a mutual friend for years. When I was available to start dating again I learned that Tricia was still single. At that moment I knew in my gut that she could be 'the one'. When we started dating everything was really easy and natural. Unlike my prior relationship, I never questioned whether or not it was right, I just kept looking forward and wanted to keep building on what we had.

    1. Every time I am asked this question, without hesitation, I always say "she's able to put up with me".....lol There's definitely some element of truth to that statement, but I knew Sheryl was "the right one" for me because my goals become her goals, and her goals became mine. I realized early on that Sheryl's attributes/characteristics were everything I wanted or imagined in my wife. (Val)

  6. I love this question because how many times do you get into a relationship thinking this CAN'T work out?...probably not a whole lot (except for the crazies who you absolutely know you shouldn't be dating). Before Jenna and I started dating, we had the opportunity to be friends and get to know each other in a non-romantic way. Like she mentioned, we were both seeing some other people at the time, so neither one of us thought that it could even happen. But, as soon as it did, we knew so much about each other and had the opportunity to showcase our true personalities and beliefs - what did we have to worry about? We weren't going to be dating after all!

    I absolutely knew she was the right one shortly thereafter and I realized that when I didn't have to force envisioning a future with her. All the other girls in my past were great girlfriends, but when I asked myself, "do I really feel like I can marry this person," I knew deep down the answer was no. However, I took each relationship as a learning experience and made sure that when I was finally able answer that question with a "yes," I would be the best boyfriend/fiancée/husband I could possibly be.