The RJLA Relational Studies course focuses on the development of relationships and the impact that circumstance have on those relationships.
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Thank you for participating in our Relational Studies course. The students will post questions below, weekly. Please respond to all questions by pressing the comment link associated with each question. We will be looking at the differences and similarities between answers. Make sure you click on Older Posts at the bottom of the page as many of the questions will be on the next page.
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Tuesday, February 21, 2012
What factors did you consider when having children (i.e. financial, the desire to have children)? Were you and your partner on the same page, if not, how did you handle that?
The biggest factor for us was time. We both knew we wanted to have children and were ready for it financially. As you know by now, we got a late start on the marriage & family thing and knew we had a narrow window of time. Even Tricia's doctor told us not to wait long to try for kids because pregnancies at her age come with higher risks. After we got married, we lived in an apartment for a year while building a house. We waited until we were settled into our new home before starting a family. We were lucky to both be on the same page with all of these decisions.
Ken and Louise - As we mentioned earlier our family was not planned so there wasn't a lot of consideration around finances. But we did agree on wanting children. What we didn't agree on is stopping at three. I felt very strongly that I didn't want more than three and as I said before, Ken wanted to field a hoop team! We finally agreed to stop having children, so the next question was.....who's gonna go under the knife. The answer was pretty simple, since I knew in my heart that I didn't want more children and insurance covered my procedure of getting my tubes tied right after the birth of my third child then I got the nod......besides that Ken didn't want anybody getting close to his "boys" with a knife in their hand!
Finacial security was a consideration, but for both of us it was all about timing. Not realtive to our age (he, he, Tricia and Steve), but was more about our maturity and readiness as a couple. As we referenced in an earlier post, we wanted to spend time as a couple first. Most of our 7 year dating relationship was long distance, so living in the same state let alone the same house was new and exiting. Again, as referenced in an earlier post, our fisrt born took us two years to concieve which was emotionally draining on both of us. To add to that, she had colic for the first four months of her life. She was a nightmare. Having gone through that (and we are lucky because we know people have worse stories), we can't imagine how hard it would have been had we not been on the same page. -Ellen and Matt
We've known we wanted to travel before we had kids. We've made sure we've gotten some trips in, both nearby and far, before we settle down and begin a family. Of course, being ready financially is a huge component, too. I've known that I've always wanted kids, but it's so important to wait until you are mentally and emotionally ready for that step with a partner who is willing and also ready to be parents TOGETHER. - Jenna
This is such a tough question and one that I hope everyone takes seriously. Jenna and I don't have children yet, but we have been talking more and more about starting a family in the near future. The decision about having children, for me, has been around finances, having the right environment (family and GOOD lifelong friends with similar values), and accomplishing things while I'm still young (mainly travel). As a man, I find it my responsibility to have a solid/steady job that can support my wife and kids. Now, please don't think I would force Jenna to be a stay-at-home mom, but if we both agreed that it would benefit our family for her not to work, I would like to be in a position to offer that flexibility. As a side note, I think work is very important, but nothing will be above my family. My son or daughter's sports practice, recitals, school events, etc. will never go above my job. Again, all the more important to be able to have a safety net of money in preparation for this huge step...
While dating, Sheryl and I talked about wanting kids when we got married, but we did not "plan" in the classic sense. We only knew we wanted kids right away, and we are blessed with 2 beautiful daughters. --Val
The biggest factor for us was time. We both knew we wanted to have children and were ready for it financially. As you know by now, we got a late start on the marriage & family thing and knew we had a narrow window of time. Even Tricia's doctor told us not to wait long to try for kids because pregnancies at her age come with higher risks. After we got married, we lived in an apartment for a year while building a house. We waited until we were settled into our new home before starting a family. We were lucky to both be on the same page with all of these decisions.
ReplyDeleteOops... that was Steve & Trish
DeleteKen and Louise - As we mentioned earlier our family was not planned so there wasn't a lot of consideration around finances. But we did agree on wanting children. What we didn't agree on is stopping at three. I felt very strongly that I didn't want more than three and as I said before, Ken wanted to field a hoop team! We finally agreed to stop having children, so the next question was.....who's gonna go under the knife. The answer was pretty simple, since I knew in my heart that I didn't want more children and insurance covered my procedure of getting my tubes tied right after the birth of my third child then I got the nod......besides that Ken didn't want anybody getting close to his "boys" with a knife in their hand!
ReplyDeleteFinacial security was a consideration, but for both of us it was all about timing. Not realtive to our age (he, he, Tricia and Steve), but was more about our maturity and readiness as a couple. As we referenced in an earlier post, we wanted to spend time as a couple first. Most of our 7 year dating relationship was long distance, so living in the same state let alone the same house was new and exiting. Again, as referenced in an earlier post, our fisrt born took us two years to concieve which was emotionally draining on both of us. To add to that, she had colic for the first four months of her life. She was a nightmare. Having gone through that (and we are lucky because we know people have worse stories), we can't imagine how hard it would have been had we not been on the same page. -Ellen and Matt
ReplyDeleteWe've known we wanted to travel before we had kids. We've made sure we've gotten some trips in, both nearby and far, before we settle down and begin a family. Of course, being ready financially is a huge component, too. I've known that I've always wanted kids, but it's so important to wait until you are mentally and emotionally ready for that step with a partner who is willing and also ready to be parents TOGETHER. - Jenna
ReplyDeleteThis is such a tough question and one that I hope everyone takes seriously. Jenna and I don't have children yet, but we have been talking more and more about starting a family in the near future. The decision about having children, for me, has been around finances, having the right environment (family and GOOD lifelong friends with similar values), and accomplishing things while I'm still young (mainly travel).
DeleteAs a man, I find it my responsibility to have a solid/steady job that can support my wife and kids. Now, please don't think I would force Jenna to be a stay-at-home mom, but if we both agreed that it would benefit our family for her not to work, I would like to be in a position to offer that flexibility. As a side note, I think work is very important, but nothing will be above my family. My son or daughter's sports practice, recitals, school events, etc. will never go above my job. Again, all the more important to be able to have a safety net of money in preparation for this huge step...
Brett
While dating, Sheryl and I talked about wanting kids when we got married, but we did not "plan" in the classic sense. We only knew we wanted kids right away, and we are blessed with 2 beautiful daughters. --Val
ReplyDelete