The RJLA Relational Studies course focuses on the development of relationships and the impact that circumstance have on those relationships.
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Thank you for participating in our Relational Studies course. The students will post questions below, weekly. Please respond to all questions by pressing the comment link associated with each question. We will be looking at the differences and similarities between answers. Make sure you click on Older Posts at the bottom of the page as many of the questions will be on the next page.
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Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Now that we have talked about decisions that went into having children, how did/do you as a couple decide how to raise your children? If you find yourself in disagreement, how do you manage that?
As we said before raising children was a big source of conflict for us. Thinking back yes we should have collaborated more and discussed things in private. I do recall when one of my kids asked if we were getting a divorce . Surprised, I asked why they would think that, their response...all you and dad have been doing lately is argue . I hadn't realized up until then the impact of our behavior on the kids. Ken and I have been working on it since.
Steve & I talked about a few families we admired and we looked at what was common in their parenting styles. We try to model some of those things. We feel it is important to be involved in our kid's lives (eg: know who their friends are, attend sporting events & other activities, volunteer in their classrooms and simply spend time with them). We also knew that we needed to have firm boundaries with our children and try to be consistent with our discipline. Steve & I haven't had major disagreements regarding raising our kids. When an important issue comes up we talk about it together first so we can be consistent in front of the kids. (Of course this is easier to do now when the kids are little and so are their "issues") We sometimes have differences in the way we approach day to day tasks involved with taking care of the kids. In these instances, we have "snapped" at each other in front of the kids. We are working on doing a better job at letting these small things go. Tricia & Steve
It's funny, when you're single or married without kids you find yourself making statements like, "My kids will never..." or "If my kid ever_____, I would..." Ha ha ha...If I had a nickel for every statement like that I'd have to take back, I'd be rich! You can't plan for the situational stuff. You can't predict or say definitively how you'd react to a public tantrum or what you're going to do when your child says no to you because, truthfully, it might be different every time. What Matt and I have said from the start and continue to agree on is that our children need to know we love them, we need to keep them safe at all times, and what's best for them comes first. Every decision you make from there falls under one of those "umbrellas." Matt and I both come from pretty strict upbringings (although, my sisters will argue that I had it easy), and we find value in setting clear boundaries for our girls. We haven't had any major disagreements around this topic. If we disagree on a day to day decision, we try to voice our opinions privately, but like Tricia and Steve, we have not always done so.
I am very blessed that I have a wife who shares in the same beliefs and values. We do not make any decision pertaining to any child unless we are both on board with it. I think that we stay away from disagreements because we understand that ultimately, we want whats best for our children, so we MUST remove our individual feelings or attachments to it.
I am very blessed that I have a wife who shares in the same beliefs and values. We do not make any decision pertaining to any child unless we are both on board with it. I think that we stay away from disagreements because we understand that ultimately, we want whats best for our children, so we MUST remove our individual feelings or attachments to it. -- Val
As we said before raising children was a big source of conflict for us. Thinking back yes we should have collaborated more and discussed things in private. I do recall when one of my kids asked if we were getting a divorce . Surprised, I asked why they would think that, their response...all you and dad have been doing lately is argue . I hadn't realized up until then the impact of our behavior on the kids. Ken and I have been working on it since.
ReplyDeleteSteve & I talked about a few families we admired and we looked at what was common in their parenting styles. We try to model some of those things. We feel it is important to be involved in our kid's lives (eg: know who their friends are, attend sporting events & other activities, volunteer in their classrooms and simply spend time with them). We also knew that we needed to have firm boundaries with our children and try to be consistent with our discipline. Steve & I haven't had major disagreements regarding raising our kids. When an important issue comes up we talk about it together first so we can be consistent in front of the kids. (Of course this is easier to do now when the kids are little and so are their "issues") We sometimes have differences in the way we approach day to day tasks involved with taking care of the kids. In these instances, we have "snapped" at each other in front of the kids. We are working on doing a better job at letting these small things go.
ReplyDeleteTricia & Steve
It's funny, when you're single or married without kids you find yourself making statements like, "My kids will never..." or "If my kid ever_____, I would..." Ha ha ha...If I had a nickel for every statement like that I'd have to take back, I'd be rich! You can't plan for the situational stuff. You can't predict or say definitively how you'd react to a public tantrum or what you're going to do when your child says no to you because, truthfully, it might be different every time. What Matt and I have said from the start and continue to agree on is that our children need to know we love them, we need to keep them safe at all times, and what's best for them comes first. Every decision you make from there falls under one of those "umbrellas." Matt and I both come from pretty strict upbringings (although, my sisters will argue that I had it easy), and we find value in setting clear boundaries for our girls. We haven't had any major disagreements around this topic. If we disagree on a day to day decision, we try to voice our opinions privately, but like Tricia and Steve, we have not always done so.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to answer this because I'm sure whatever I say will be shades of how it will really be for us once we're parents (whoa).
ReplyDeleteI am very blessed that I have a wife who shares in the same beliefs and values. We do not make any decision pertaining to any child unless we are both on board with it. I think that we stay away from disagreements because we understand that ultimately, we want whats best for our children, so we MUST remove our individual feelings or attachments to it.
ReplyDeleteI am very blessed that I have a wife who shares in the same beliefs and values. We do not make any decision pertaining to any child unless we are both on board with it. I think that we stay away from disagreements because we understand that ultimately, we want whats best for our children, so we MUST remove our individual feelings or attachments to it. -- Val
ReplyDelete